508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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