We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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