she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
