Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
