im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
