My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she peed on how many people?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
