I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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