he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
