I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
