I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's always time for handjobs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
