I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
