Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
