it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
