Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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