If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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