i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am one with the molecules
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
