Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
