:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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