Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
