I bet he comes in French.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
