then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
