one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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