Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
