M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize