i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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