And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We got so high we made milksteak
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dear god my vagina.
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