the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Drake has all the answers
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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