I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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