You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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