sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
