The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
