she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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