dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
