I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
