Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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