This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
