PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
