you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
