i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
