i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
