There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
