the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
