would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
