Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize