piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
