He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
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She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am naked and annoyed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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