well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
