what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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