Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
