she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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