Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
