Hey man sorry I got all grabby
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
