So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
high people should be assigned attendants
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
