She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
