hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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