Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
