Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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