Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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