Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
