I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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