someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
