There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
