While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
