You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
