Your face is a jimmy john
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
