I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
