I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
