sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
