could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
